There Are No Black Rhinos Here

Monday Afternoon

So we had breakfast, and then had to face our lodge's outdoor shower. One of the side walls came up to my shoulder, and given my Puritanical sensibilities, you can imagine how much I loved this. Both Lizzie and I were dive-bombed by bees and other insects who were fans of our shampoo and soap, and also faced voyeur birds and lizards. We're sure we're up on the lizard version of the internet now. After showering, we rested, the daylight keeping the majority of the creepy cralwers at bay. Next up was the afternoon game drive, and when we got to our jeep, everyone had left except for Veruca and her dad/manservant/juggler. They insisted on trying to find a black Rhino (we had seen plenty of white rhinos, which are apparently less interesting). James drove us to the eastern part of the park, and we saw a bunch of Water buck, Tsetsebe, the ubiquitous wildebeast, and a hornbilled bird (James pointed out that this was Zazu from the lion king, and sang a bit of "lovely bunch of coconuts" for us) and a duck or two. It was otherwise pretty uneventful, and poor James gave us a botany lesson to fill the time, teaching us about the difference between spines and thorns. We did get to see more hippos, and they made their excellent hippo noises, which sound like Jabba the Hut laughing. "Mua ha ha ha ha han solo!"

We came back by 7:30, and joined James, Veruca and her Dad/Valet/Agent for a drink as we waited for the interactive drumming portion of the evening to finish. After that was dinner, and James told us stories of his childhood, including his parents' views on guns, and how he had shot a pigeon one time, and they made him eat it. Veruca's Dad/Guru/Roadie asked us if, being Americans, we had guns under our pillows, and what we thought about gun control, and I said "we have to keep guns in case you guys come back over the pond and try to take what's ours". Which of course is true. You stereotyping Brits, why don't you go home and have a crumpet or something.

After dinner, we walked back toward the lodge, and before leaving James, he said "Ja* well, I hope you girls sleep well" (everyone here is referring to us as girls, btw) and I said "Yeah, well, as long as there are no spiders in the bed we'll all be happy." James replied, "Ja, well, it's not the spiders you have to worry about, it's the scorpions under the sheets!"

I laugh, ha ha, and am not surprised that even a level-2 certified wilderness guide and expert can't resist teasing us "girls" about scary bugs and other biting/stinging/pinching animals.

Unless of course he was talking about that Eastern European band that wrote "winds of change", which is so terrifying I don't even want to think about it.

*A note on "Ja", sometimes "ee-Ja". Every South African person we've met has this verbal tick. Lizzie and I are employing it now because we find it hilarious. After she used it, and following our raucous laughter, she said "Ja, this will never get old", to which I replied, "Ja, at least not to us".